Let It Go, Heal Within: The Science-Backed Power of Forgiveness

Imagine carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go. The longer you hold onto it, the more it weighs you down. This is what holding onto anger, resentment, and hurt can feel like—and forgiveness is the act of finally setting it down.

While forgiveness is often tied to moral values or religious ideals, it’s also deeply grounded in science. At Walk With Me Counseling Center in Chicago, Illinois, we often remind our clients that forgiveness isn’t about excusing harm—it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional toll that pain can take.

Forgiveness Is a Form of Self-Care

You’ve probably heard phrases like “just let it go” or “forgive and forget.” But for those who’ve been deeply hurt, this advice can feel dismissive or even impossible.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s not pretending something didn’t happen. It’s choosing to heal despite what happened.

In fact, modern research shows that forgiveness plays a major role in both mental and physical health. Letting go of a grudge isn’t just good for the soul—it’s good for your body, too.

The Real Impact of Holding Onto Grudges

When you stay angry, your body reacts as if it’s in danger. This puts your nervous system into “fight or flight” mode, increasing levels of cortisol, your body’s primary stress hormone. High cortisol over time leads to a range of health issues including:

• High blood pressure

• Weakened immune response

• Anxiety and depression

• Poor sleep

Increased risk of chronic illness and even heart disease

That’s not just a theory. A study from Luther College found a direct link between forgiveness and longevity. Participants who actively practiced forgiveness had lower mortality rates. They were physically and emotionally healthier, and their bodies showed fewer signs of wear from stress.

The truth is: holding onto anger doesn’t protect you. It slowly harms you from within.

Forgiveness Benefits the Forgiver Most

You might assume that forgiveness is about the other person. Maybe you feel like they don’t deserve your forgiveness—or that forgiving them means letting them off the hook.

But here’s the powerful truth: forgiveness is something you do for yourself.

When you forgive, you reclaim your peace. You stop letting someone else’s actions dictate your emotional well-being. You loosen the grip that pain has had on your life.

That’s not just a feel-good statement. Studies show that people who forgive experience:

• Reduced anxiety and depression

• Improved sleep quality

• Better immune function

• Greater emotional resilience

• Healthier relationships

Forgiveness doesn’t mean going back to how things were. It simply means choosing peace over pain—and that’s a decision that benefits you more than anyone else.

Busting the Myths Around Forgiveness

Forgiveness sounds great in theory, but many people avoid it because of what they think it means. Let’s clear up some common misconceptions:

Myth 1: Forgiveness means saying what happened was okay.
Truth: Forgiving doesn’t excuse bad behavior. You can forgive someone while still holding them accountable. You can forgive and still choose not to trust that person again.

Myth 2: You have to reconcile.
Truth: Forgiveness doesn’t require contact or reconciliation. You can set boundaries—or even cut someone out of your life—and still forgive them.

Myth 3: Forgiveness is instant.
Truth: It’s a journey, not a moment. Sometimes forgiveness takes months or years. It’s okay to take your time. What matters is your commitment to healing, not how fast you get there.

The Steps to Practicing Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t about being passive—it’s an active choice you make, often again and again. Here are five science-backed steps that can help you start the process:

1. Acknowledge the Pain

Before you can let go, you have to admit what’s weighing you down. Avoiding your feelings won’t help you move forward. Journaling, talking to a therapist, or even saying your emotions out loud can be a powerful start. Don’t rush this part. Let yourself feel it all.

2. Make It About You

Remember, forgiveness isn’t for the person who hurt you—it’s for you. Ask yourself:

How is holding this grudge affecting my mental health?

Is it interfering with my sleep, focus, or relationships?

Would I feel more free if I let this go?

By shifting your focus inward, you regain control of your healing.

3. Try Empathy (Even If It’s Hard)

This step isn’t about excusing behavior—it’s about gaining perspective. Often, people act from their own wounds or limitations. Recognizing that they are human doesn’t make their actions right—it just helps release some of the anger that keeps you stuck.

You might say to yourself, “What they did wasn’t okay. But I’m choosing peace, and I understand they acted from their own pain.”

4. Take Small, Consistent Actions

Forgiveness is a practice. It takes repetition. Some days, old feelings might resurface. When they do, try mindfulness exercises, write down affirmations, or remind yourself of your progress.

A simple affirmation like “I release what no longer serves me” can gently guide your mind away from resentment and toward healing.

5. Forgive Yourself, Too

Many of us are our own harshest critics. Maybe you blame yourself for a mistake, a failed relationship, or for not seeing something sooner. Holding onto guilt and shame can weigh just as heavily as a grudge.

Research shows that self-forgiveness is linked to lower levels of depression and higher self-esteem. Be gentle with yourself. Learn, grow, and give yourself the same grace you’d offer a loved one.

Forgiveness Is a Gift—For You

Let’s be real: forgiveness isn’t easy. It takes work, vulnerability, and time. But it’s one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your energy, your health, and your joy.

Start where you are. Maybe today, you simply acknowledge that you’re still hurting. Maybe tomorrow, you take a step toward letting it go. Each step is a win.

At Walk With Me Counseling Center in Chicago, Illinois, we understand how hard it is to carry emotional wounds—especially during difficult seasons. Whether you’re dealing with family conflict, unresolved trauma, or stress from life transitions, we’re here to walk with you every step of the way.

You deserve peace. You deserve healing. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Walk With Me Counseling Center is here to help you release what’s been weighing you down—whether it’s emotional pain, past hurts, or stress you can’t seem to shake.

We offer virtual therapy sessions across Illinois, so support is just a click away.
Complete our Intake Form today and take your first step toward healing.

Your peace matters. Your healing matters. And it starts with letting go—one moment at a time.