When Reflection Becomes Overthinking: How to Stay Connected to Your Real Self

Have you ever noticed how some of your most vivid memories feel less like facts and more like stories—edited, layered, and reinterpreted over time? We all do it. Sometimes without realizing it, we marinate our memories in reflection, over-process our emotions, and turn raw experience into something entirely different.

At lunch recently, I found myself staring down a beautifully stacked pastrami sandwich. Without thinking, I muttered, “It’s easy to forget this is just spiced brisket.” A friend of mine—clearly a pastrami enthusiast—launched into a detailed history lesson on curing, brining, aging, and smoking. As he spoke with reverence about the art of pastrami-making, something clicked.

That pastrami? It was no longer brisket. It had become something else entirely.

And I began to wonder: What about my memories? What about my emotions?

Am I over-seasoning my lived experiences until they lose their original flavor?

The Psychology of Memory and Identity

It turns out there’s real science behind this curiosity. According to psychologists Conway and Pleydell-Pearce (2000), we don’t recall memories like files stored in a drawer. We reconstruct them—shaped by our current identity, values, and emotional needs.

We remember in layers.

We retell stories with new inflection.

We reassign meaning based on who we are today—not who we were then.

And just like pastrami, our memories often bear little resemblance to the original experience. They've been smoked, sliced, and served up again and again.

This isn’t always a bad thing. Reflection is a natural part of growth. But when it becomes habitual overprocessing, it can pull us away from the truth of who we are and what we need.

When Overthinking Looks Like Insight

Think about the last time you mentally replayed a conversation or dissected a feeling for days on end. It probably felt like self-awareness. Maybe even wisdom. But not all reflection is healing.

Sometimes, overthinking masquerades as growth.

Sometimes, we chew on past experiences so much they become unrecognizable—over-seasoned stories we can’t stop telling ourselves.

You might recognize this pattern if you:

l Constantly reframe experiences to make them “make sense” or sound impressive

l Feel like your emotions are too big, messy, or confusing to just “feel”

l Avoid being present because you're always analyzing the past

We think we’re gaining clarity—but often, we’re just moving further away from the raw truth of what we felt.

Transformation Hides in the Mundane

The most meaningful events in our lives are often not the loudest.

They’re not the graduation speeches or big career wins.

They’re the forgotten book found on a bus, the quiet walk after an argument, or the offhand comment that suddenly hits too deep. They’re the moments that pass quietly but linger stubbornly.

Psychologist David Pillemer calls these “vivid memories of momentous events”—except they're personally momentous, not publicly significant. They don’t announce themselves. They simmer.

And in that simmering, they begin to shape us.

Think of a childhood glance from a caregiver that made you feel safe—or invisible.

Think of the way a stranger’s kindness on a hard day stuck with you more than any formal achievement.

These are the “brisket moments” of our lives—ordinary, unprocessed, and emotionally honest.

What Happens When We Over-Process?

Let’s be honest. We live in a world that rewards curated stories. Social media wants our vulnerability to be polished. Our resumes demand transformation tales. Even therapy (at times) can feel like we need to “package” our trauma.

But when everything must be a lesson or an arc, we lose something essential: the ability to let life be felt before it is figured out.

When we process every emotion, every thought, every relationship through multiple filters—cultural, familial, even algorithmic—we lose intimacy with the actual moment.

We move from living our lives to explaining them.

And we start to feel emotionally distant from ourselves.

So, What Can You Do?

Here are a few ways to honor your inner experience without overthinking it into abstraction:

1. Let Some Moments Be Raw

Not everything needs a takeaway. That awkward conversation? That unexpected joy? Let them just be. Don’t rush to narrate them.

2. Notice What Stays With You

Pay attention to what your mind revisits unprompted. If a small moment keeps returning, it may carry quiet meaning. Ask yourself why it matters without needing to turn it into a headline.

3. Pause Before You Package

Before turning an experience into content or conversation, ask yourself: Am I ready to share this, or am I trying to control how it’s received? You don’t have to make everything palatable to others.

4. Honor the Ordinary

There’s magic in everyday moments. A deep breath before speaking. A memory that catches you off guard. These hold insight without needing to be inspirational.

5. Make Space for Stillness

When you constantly analyze or “fix,” your mind never rests. Make time each week to feel your feelings without trying to explain or solve them. Meditation, journaling, or even quiet sitting helps bring you back to your core.

Why This Matters Now—More Than Ever

As the 2025 election season intensifies, many of us are carrying mental weight we can't even name. You might be navigating political disagreements in your family. You might feel pressure to speak up—or stay silent. You might be reliving past emotional battles because the news feels all too familiar.

In moments like this, overprocessing can become a defense mechanism. We think if we can just “figure it all out,” we’ll feel safer, more in control, more okay.

But reflection isn't always relief. Sometimes, what we need most is to sit with the brisket—the truth beneath the layers.

At Walk With Me Counseling Center, we help clients reconnect with their inner voice, free from outside noise. We offer compassionate, culturally aware therapy rooted in your lived experience. We don't rush your process. We walk with you through it—one moment, one memory, one raw truth at a time.

You Deserve Space to Feel Before You Explain

Walk With Me Counseling Center is here to help if you're overwhelmed by election stress or political disagreements. We offer virtual therapy sessions across Illinois, so support is just a click away no matter where you are—whether in Chicago or another part of the state.

Complete our Intake Form today and take the first step toward protecting your mental health during this intense election season.

Your mental well-being should be your top priority, especially during an election as heated as this one. Don’t let political stress strain your relationships or leave you feeling overwhelmed. Whether you're in Chicago or elsewhere in Illinois, we're here to help you navigate these challenging conversations before they take a bigger toll on your mental health.