Staying Grounded: How Therapists Care Without Losing Themselves
Staying Grounded: How Therapists Care Without Losing Themselves
Therapists are trained to hold space for pain, grief, anger, and trauma—but that doesn’t mean we’re immune to the weight of it. Especially during emotionally intense seasons like elections or political conflict, our own personal and professional boundaries are tested. So how do we show up with compassion, presence, and clarity—without getting swept away?
Let me take you back to a rainy Tuesday at noon, early in my career. I was in session with David, a client I’d been working with for nearly a year. Outside, the sky cried. Inside, David let loose a storm of his own.
He accused me of being unhelpful, of wasting his time. He cited session after session, claiming I hadn’t made a dent in his suffering. “You’re the least incompetent therapist I’ve had,” he added, which landed like a backhanded compliment and a slap at the same time.
Each of our sessions left me emotionally drained, physically tense, and haunted by self-doubt. I’d carry his words with me into the evening, replaying the conversations and wondering if I was in the right profession at all. And yet, he kept coming back. And I kept showing up.
Over time, and through the guidance of mentors and my own inner work, I learned the necessity of something called healthy detachment. It’s not about disconnection or apathy. It’s about staying rooted, so that we can face the storm without being destroyed by it.
What Is Healthy Detachment?
Healthy detachment is the practice of caring deeply while maintaining your emotional center. It allows therapists—and anyone in a helping or caregiving role—to stay attuned to someone else’s suffering without becoming engulfed by it.
It’s especially important now, as we navigate political tensions, economic uncertainty, and collective anxiety. Whether you're a therapist, a caregiver, a teacher, or just someone trying to support a loved one, learning how to detach with love and presence is vital.
Here are a few insights that helped me build that skill:
1. Recognize the Wound Beneath the Words
When a client triggers us, it's often because we’re being invited into their trauma. David’s lashing out wasn’t personal—it was a symptom of a long history of abandonment, betrayal, and powerlessness. He was terrified of trusting anyone, including me.
Once I understood that his anger masked vulnerability, I was able to respond with empathy instead of defensiveness. Healthy detachment meant I could stay curious and compassionate, instead of collapsing into self-blame.
Tip: Next time someone lashes out, pause and ask yourself: What might this person be protecting? What hurt might be underneath their anger?
2. Redefine What It Means to Help
In Western culture, we often equate helping with fixing. But in therapy—and in life—progress isn’t always linear, and healing rarely looks like gratitude or relief. Sometimes, it looks like resistance, disappointment, or even regression.
With David, I had to learn that my role wasn’t to solve his pain, but to witness it with steadiness. I let go of the fantasy that my effectiveness depended on immediate, visible change.
Tip: Try shifting your internal question from "Am I helping?" to "Am I present and attuned?" That’s where real healing begins.
3. Focus On What You Can Control
As therapists, we can offer tools, insights, and a safe space. But we can’t force transformation. With David, I saw that his desire for change was constantly at war with his fear of it. My job wasn’t to push him, but to meet him where he was.
This is true beyond therapy, too. Whether we’re supporting a partner through a crisis or navigating difficult political conversations with family, we must honor their pace, not ours.
Tip: Define your role clearly—what is yours to hold, and what is not? Clarity creates freedom.
4. Do Your Own Inner Work
Renowned trauma expert Gabor Maté reminds us: we can’t take others where we haven’t gone ourselves. Healthy detachment requires deep self-awareness.
For me, David illuminated old wounds—places where I sought validation through being "the good one" or the fixer. Without that awareness, I might have slipped into codependency, trying to earn his approval rather than hold therapeutic boundaries.
Tip: Notice your emotional reactions. They’re data. Ask yourself, "Where have I felt this before? What part of me is activated right now?"
5. Set Rituals That Restore You
Even when we detach healthily, holding space for others is still taxing. We need practices that refill our emotional cup.
For me, that’s time in nature, journaling, breathwork, and supervision with trusted colleagues. For you, it might be prayer, movement, or creating art.
Tip: Don’t wait until you’re burnt out to care for yourself. Build daily rituals of rest and renewal.
6. Remember: You’re Not Alone
No matter how skilled or experienced we are, some sessions will shake us. Some relationships will test our capacity. But we are not alone.
Therapy, supervision, peer support—these exist so we can process, reflect, and return to our work with fresh perspective.
Tip: Reach out. Your vulnerability doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
A Final Word on Boundaries With Compassion
Healthy detachment is about boundaries with love. It’s knowing where you end and another begins. It’s holding space without trying to control what fills it. It’s remembering that you are not responsible for anyone else’s healing—you are only responsible for showing up with care, clarity, and presence.
In this heated election season, many of us are navigating tough conversations and emotional fatigue. You might be feeling overwhelmed by political tension in your home, your workplace, or even online. If you're a helper, you may be holding space for others while struggling to find your own footing.
That’s why healthy detachment isn’t just a clinical skill—it’s a life skill. And it’s never been more important.
Struggling to Stay Grounded This Election Season?
Walk With Me Counseling Center is here to help if you're overwhelmed by election stress or political disagreements. We offer virtual therapy sessions across Illinois, so support is just a click away no matter where you are—whether in Chicago or another part of the state.
Complete our Intake Form today and take the first step toward protecting your mental health during this intense election season.
Your mental well-being should be your top priority, especially during an election as heated as this one. Don't let political stress strain your relationships or leave you feeling overwhelmed. Whether you're in Chicago or elsewhere in Illinois, we're here to help you navigate these challenging conversations before they take a bigger toll on your mental health.
