5 Signs You're in a Relationship That Will Last

You're in a relationship. Things are good. Maybe even great. But in the back of your mind, you're wondering: is this real? Will this last? Or am I just caught up in the excitement of something new?

It's hard to know. Especially when you've been hurt before. Especially when the beginning of a relationship can feel intense and overwhelming, and you're not sure if that intensity means it's real or if it's just going to burn out.

Many people we work with in therapy across Illinois ask this exact question. They want to know if their relationship has what it takes to go the distance. Not just survive, but actually thrive over time.

The truth is, lasting love doesn't look like the movies. It's not about constant passion or never fighting or being perfectly compatible. It's about how two people show up for each other, especially when things get hard.

Here are five signs that your relationship has what it takes to last. These signs aren't about perfection. They're about patterns over time:

They show up when things get hard

It's easy to be there for someone when everything's good. When you're celebrating wins, going on dates, and having fun. The real test is what happens when life gets difficult.

Do they show up when you're sick? When you're stressed? When you're going through something painful, and you're not at your best? Or do they pull away, get uncomfortable, or make it about them?

One person we worked with described the moment she knew her relationship was different. She got food poisoning and had to cancel their New Year's Eve plans. Her partner didn't complain or make her feel guilty. He showed up at her apartment with ginger ale and crackers and took care of her.

She'd been in relationships before where partners took her on expensive trips but disappeared when she actually needed support. This was the first time someone showed up for the unglamorous, uncomfortable parts of life.

That's what lasting love looks like. Not grand gestures. Just consistent presence when it matters.

They actually listen to you

Not just wait for their turn to talk. Not just nod while thinking about something else. Actually listen.

In healthy relationships, both people feel heard. You can share something that matters to you, something small or something big, and your partner pays attention. They remember details. They ask follow-up questions. They validate your feelings even when they don't fully understand them.

This also means they can have hard conversations without shutting down or getting defensive. When you bring up something that's bothering you, they don't dismiss it or turn it around on you. They listen. They take it seriously. They care about how you feel.

They respect your need for space

Some people think love means doing everything together. Sharing every friend, every hobby, every moment. But that's not healthy. That's fusion. And it usually leads to resentment.

In relationships that last, both people maintain their own identities. You have friends outside the relationship. Hobbies your partner isn't interested in. Time alone that you don't have to justify or feel guilty about.

One couple we worked with struggled with this. She had gradually given up all her friendships after getting married and expected him to do the same. When he wanted to meet up with old friends, she insisted on coming along. He felt suffocated. She felt abandoned.

Healthy love includes trust. Trust that your partner can have a life outside the relationship without threatening what you have together. Trust that spending time apart doesn't mean you're growing apart.

Your partner is a whole person outside of the relationship. That's something to celebrate, not control.

They approach problems as a team

Every relationship has conflict. The question isn't whether you fight. It's how you fight.

In relationships that don't last, conflict becomes about blame. "You always do this." "I can't believe you said that." "This is your fault." The goal is to win the argument, prove you're right, make the other person admit they're wrong.

In relationships that do last, conflict is approached differently. It's not you versus them. It's both of you versus the problem. The goal isn't to win. It's to understand each other and find a solution that works for both people.

Instead of "I can't believe you'd do that," it's "Let's talk about what happened and figure out what we both need."

One couple we worked with faced a tough decision. He wanted to go back to school, which would mean less income and more stress on her as the primary earner. Instead of shutting down his dream or expecting her to just deal with it, they talked. They found a compromise. He kept working while taking night classes. It took longer, but they figured it out together.

That's what teamwork looks like. Not one person is always sacrificing. Not one person always gets their way. Both people are working together to find solutions.

They stick around when things feel distant

Relationships go through cycles. Sometimes you feel close, connected, like you're on the same page. Sometimes you feel distant, like you're living parallel lives, like the spark is gone.

That distance doesn't mean the relationship is over. It means you're in a different phase. Maybe you're both stressed. Maybe life is demanding. Maybe you've fallen into a routine and stopped putting in effort.

This is different from emotional neglect or disrespect. We're talking about natural ebbs and flows, not someone withdrawing affection to punish you or consistently making you feel unimportant.

In relationships that don't last, people bail at the first sign of disconnection. They assume if it's not easy, it's not right. They think love should always feel effortless.

In relationships that do last, people understand that connection takes maintenance. When you feel distant, you don't give up. You talk about it. You make time for each other. You put in effort to reconnect.

Many people we work with in therapy come in during these distant phases, convinced their relationship is dying. But often, with some intentional effort from both people, they find their way back to each other.

Lasting love isn't about never feeling disconnected. It's about choosing to reconnect even when it would be easier to walk away.

What If Your Relationship Doesn't Have These Signs?

If you're reading this and realizing your relationship is missing some of these qualities, that doesn't necessarily mean it's doomed. Relationships can grow and change. People can learn to show up differently.

But it does require both people to be willing to do the work. If only one person is trying to build these patterns, it won't work. Both people have to be invested.

And if you're in a relationship where your partner consistently doesn't show up for you, doesn't listen, doesn't respect boundaries, blames you for everything, or bails when things get hard, that's important information. Those aren't just rough patches. Those are patterns. And patterns don't usually change without significant effort and often professional help.

Getting Support

If you're questioning whether your relationship will last, if you're trying to figure out if you're building something healthy or just repeating old patterns, therapy can help.

At Walk With Me Counseling Center, we work with people across Illinois through online therapy who are navigating relationship questions and trying to build connections that actually last. Our therapists are culturally responsive and trained to help you understand what healthy relationships look like, identify patterns that aren't working, and make decisions that protect your well-being.

Whether you're working through this alone or as a couple, therapy can give you clarity when everything feels confusing.

We offer free 15-minute consultations so you can talk through what's going on and see if therapy feels like the right support. Many people use insurance to make therapy more accessible, and we work with BCBS PPO and Aetna PPO.

You deserve a relationship that feels secure, not just exciting. One where you're consistently chosen, not just at the beginning. And you don't have to figure out how to build that alone.