How to Stop Avoiding Social Situations Because of Anxiety

You got invited to something. A party. A work event. A dinner with friends. And your stomach immediately drops.

You want to go. You know you should go. But the thought of being there makes you feel sick. What if you don't know what to say? What if you say something stupid? What if everyone can tell you're anxious? What if you just stand there awkwardly while everyone else has a good time?

So you make an excuse. You say you're busy. You say you're not feeling well. You cancel last minute. And you feel relieved. For about five minutes. Then the guilt sets in. And the loneliness. And the frustration with yourself for doing this again.

Many people we work with in therapy across Illinois describe this exact pattern. They're anxious in social situations, so they avoid them. But the avoidance makes the anxiety worse. And the worse the anxiety gets, the more they avoid. Until they're isolated and trapped in a cycle they don't know how to break.

Social anxiety and avoidance are two of the most common issues people bring to therapy.

If you're avoiding social situations because of anxiety, here's what you need to know. Avoidance feels like it's protecting you. But it's actually making your anxiety stronger. And learning to stop avoiding doesn't mean forcing yourself into situations you're not ready for. It means understanding what's actually happening and taking small steps that build your confidence instead of your fear.

Why You Avoid Social Situations

Social anxiety isn't about being shy. It's about fear. Specifically, the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations.

When you're in a social situation, your brain is constantly scanning for threats. Are people looking at you? Are they judging you? Did you say something weird? Do they think you're boring? Awkward? Too much? Not enough?

And your body responds to that perceived threat the same way it would respond to actual danger. Your heart races. Your palms sweat. Your mind goes blank. You feel like everyone can see how anxious you are, which makes you more anxious.

So you avoid. Because avoiding makes the anxiety go away immediately. You don't have to feel the racing heart or the sweaty palms or the panic. You're safe at home. And your brain learns: social situations are dangerous. Avoiding keeps you safe.

But here's the problem. Every time you avoid a social situation, you reinforce that belief. You're teaching your brain that you can't handle social situations. That they're too scary. That's the only way to feel okay is to stay away.

And over time, the anxiety gets bigger. Because you're not proving to yourself that you can survive social situations. You're proving to yourself that you can't.

What Avoidance Costs You

Avoiding social situations might reduce your anxiety in the moment. But it comes with a cost:

• You become more isolated. You miss events. You cancel plans. You stop getting invited to things because people assume you're not interested. And you end up feeling lonely and disconnected.

• Your world gets smaller. There are places you don't go. Things you don't do. Opportunities you don't take. Because the anxiety has convinced you that staying small is safer than showing up.

• You lose confidence. Every time you avoid something, you're telling yourself you can't handle it. And the more you avoid, the less capable you feel. Until you start believing you're just not good at social situations. That there's something wrong with you.

• Your relationships suffer. People stop reaching out. They think you don't want to be around them. Or they get tired of you canceling. And you're left feeling even more alone.

And the anxiety doesn't go away. It gets worse. Because avoidance doesn't cure anxiety. It feeds it.

Why "Just Do It" Doesn't Work

When people struggle with social anxiety, they often get advice like "just push through it" or "exposure is the only way to get over it." And while exposure does help, jumping into situations you're terrified of usually backfires.

If you force yourself into a social situation when you're too anxious, here's what happens. You're overwhelmed. You can't think clearly. You say something you regret, or you freeze up completely. And then you leave feeling like you failed. Which confirms your fear that you can't handle social situations.

That's not exposure. That's flooding. And flooding makes anxiety worse, not better.

Real progress happens when you gradually expose yourself to situations. In a way that challenges you without completely overwhelming you. So you can prove to yourself that you can handle it. And build actual confidence instead of just surviving.

What Actually Helps

If you want to stop avoiding social situations, here's what can help. You don't have to do all of this at once.

Start smaller than you think you need to. Don't go from avoiding everything to attending a big party. Start with something manageable. A coffee with one friend. A short work meeting. Something where the stakes feel low, and you can leave if you need to.

Instead of going to a crowded party, someone might start by meeting one coworker for lunch or staying at an event for just twenty minutes. The goal is building confidence through repeated success, not forcing yourself into overwhelming situations.

Instead of going to a crowded party, someone might start by meeting one coworker for lunch or staying at an event for just twenty minutes. Small steps that prove you can handle it.

Focus on the process, not the outcome. Your goal isn't to be perfectly comfortable or to have an amazing time. Your goal is just to show up. To stay for a little while. To prove to yourself that you can do it. That's enough.

Notice what actually happens instead of what you feared would happen. Most of the time, the things you're afraid of don't actually occur. No one stares at you. No one laughs. No one judges you as harshly as you judge yourself. And noticing that starts to retrain your brain.

Stop analyzing everything you said after. Social anxiety loves post-event rumination. You replay every conversation. Every awkward moment. Everything you think you said wrong. And that keeps the anxiety alive. Practice letting it go instead of dissecting it.

Build on small wins. Every time you do something that scares you, even a little, acknowledge it. You showed up. You stayed. You survived. That's progress. And progress builds on itself.

Get support. Social anxiety doesn't just go away because you want it to. If you've been avoiding for a long time, you might need help retraining your brain and building your confidence. Therapy can give you tools and support to do that.

When Social Anxiety Is More Than Shyness

Social anxiety exists on a spectrum. Some people feel nervous before big events, but can push through. Others feel paralyzed by the thought of any social interaction.

If your anxiety is so severe that you're avoiding most social situations, if it's affecting your work or relationships significantly, or if you're using alcohol or other substances to get through social situations, that's worth taking seriously.

Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common anxiety disorders. And it's very treatable. You don't have to live like this. With the right support, you can learn to manage the anxiety and start living a life that's not controlled by fear.

Getting Support

If social anxiety is keeping you from living the life you want, if avoidance has become your default, or if you're ready to stop letting fear control your choices, therapy can help.

At Walk With Me Counseling Center in Chicago, we work with people across Illinois through online therapy who struggle with social anxiety and avoidance. Our therapists are culturally responsive and can help you understand what's driving your anxiety and develop practical strategies to face social situations with less fear.

We offer free 15-minute consultations so you can talk through what's going on and see if therapy feels like the right support. Many people use insurance to make therapy more accessible, and we work with BCBS PPO and Aetna PPO.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is social anxiety the same as being shy? No. Shyness is a personality trait. Social anxiety is an intense fear of judgment or embarrassment that interferes with your life. Shy people can enjoy social situations. People with social anxiety often avoid them entirely.

Will I ever feel completely comfortable in social situations? Most people don't need to feel completely comfortable. The goal is to reduce the anxiety enough that it doesn't control your choices. With practice and support, social situations can go from terrifying to manageable.

How long does it take to overcome social anxiety? It varies. Some people see improvement in a few months. Others need longer, especially if avoidance has been a long-term pattern. Gradual exposure combined with therapy tends to be most effective.

What if I avoid social situations and then feel fine? That's the trap of avoidance. It provides immediate relief, which reinforces the behavior. But long-term, it increases anxiety and isolation. Feeling fine after avoiding doesn't mean avoidance is helping you.

Can medication help with social anxiety? For some people, yes. Medication can reduce anxiety symptoms enough that exposure becomes more manageable. A psychiatrist or therapist can help you determine if medication might be helpful for you.

You're not broken for feeling anxious in social situations. And you're not weak for avoiding them. You're just stuck in a pattern your brain developed to protect you. But that protection has become a cage.

And you don't have to stay there. With support and small, steady steps, you can start showing up for your life again. Not perfectly. Not without any anxiety. But enough to connect, to participate, to stop missing out on the things that matter to you.

What to read next:

How to Stop Overanalyzing Everything You Feel

What Kind of Anxiety Do You Actually Have? And Why It Matters