How to Tell Who You Can Truly Trust: 3 Therapist-Backed Clues
Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Can I really trust this person?” Whether it’s a new friend, romantic partner, coworker, or even a family member, the ability to trust is a cornerstone of safe, meaningful human connection. But as you’ve likely experienced, trust isn’t always easy to give—or to earn.
We’re living in a time of heightened stress and political tension. With emotions running high during this election season, many people are questioning their relationships, drawing boundaries, and struggling to know who’s truly on their side. Trust is more important than ever, but how do you know when it’s warranted?
Psychologists have been studying this very question, and recent research highlights three key indicators that help you assess whether someone is genuinely trustworthy. While these cues are often explored in therapy, they can also help you navigate everyday relationships—especially when stakes are high.
Why Trust Matters, In and Out of Therapy
Trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship. It lets us be vulnerable, open up, and feel safe being our authentic selves. Without trust, we guard our emotions, suppress our needs, and live in a state of emotional hypervigilance.
This is especially true in psychotherapy. If you can’t trust your therapist, real healing can’t begin. That’s why researchers have taken a deep interest in something called epistemic trust—a fancy term that refers to whether or not someone is seen as a reliable and emotionally attuned source of information.
According to a 2025 study from the University of Haifa, epistemic trust (ET) is essential for clients to absorb, reflect on, and use the insights they gain in therapy. But what makes someone a trustworthy source? The researchers discovered three observable patterns that foster trust—and these apply to your everyday life, too.
Trust Indicator #1: They’re Willing to Share, And So Are You
One of the clearest signs of a trustworthy relationship is a mutual willingness to share. We’re not talking about oversharing or trauma-dumping, but rather a genuine openness to talk about thoughts, feelings, or even personal experiences without fear of judgment.
In relationships low on trust, sharing is minimal or completely absent. Conversations feel surface-level. Emotions are buried. You may feel like opening up will be used against you or met with indifference. This creates a dynamic where intimacy can’t grow.
On the other hand, when someone frequently and authentically shares their thoughts—and invites you to do the same—it’s a strong signal of psychological safety. They’re saying, “You can be real with me.” And that’s a big deal.
Ask Yourself:
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Does this person express how they feel, or do they avoid vulnerability?
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Do I feel safe opening up to them?
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When I share something important, do they respond with empathy?
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Mutual sharing is more than just talk—it’s a bridge to emotional connection. If the bridge is one-sided or broken, trust will be hard to build.
Trust Indicator #2: You're In Sync, Not Just Talking, But Truly Listening
Researchers call it the “we-mode.” It’s that experience of being in sync with someone—where you finish each other’s sentences, build on each other’s ideas, and feel like you’re operating as a team. In therapy, it shows up as a collaborative, affirming conversation between client and therapist.
In day-to-day life, this can be seen in simple but meaningful ways:
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They don’t interrupt.
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They reflect back what you’re saying.
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They remember what you’ve told them before.
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They speak in a way that makes you feel included.
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Low trust relationships often show the opposite: interruptions, one-sided conversations, or a lack of acknowledgment. If someone dominates conversations, disregards your perspective, or constantly tries to “win” arguments, that’s a red flag.
The “we-mode” isn’t about agreeing on everything—it’s about feeling heard, seen, and validated even when you disagree. Especially during tense political discussions or emotionally charged moments, being able to say, “I get where you’re coming from” can make all the difference.
Ask Yourself:
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Do I feel like we’re on the same page—even when we don’t agree?
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Are they genuinely listening, or just waiting for their turn to talk?
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Do we have a balanced emotional exchange?
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Trust grows in the space between words. It’s not just what someone says—it’s how they respond to what you say.
Trust Indicator #3: They’re Open to Learning and Growth
This last indicator is powerful: trustworthy people are open to learning—not just facts, but also how they affect others and how they can do better.
In therapy, this shows up when a client identifies unhealthy patterns and expresses a desire to change. Outside of therapy, it might look like someone acknowledging a mistake, considering your perspective, or asking questions to better understand your experience.
By contrast, low-trust interactions are often rigid and defensive. People may shut down conversations, gaslight, or invalidate your feelings instead of taking accountability or engaging in meaningful dialogue.
Being open to learning signals humility, respect, and emotional maturity—all key ingredients for trust.
Ask Yourself:
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Are they willing to admit when they’re wrong?
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Do they value growth and understanding?
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When conflict arises, are they interested in working through it—or just “winning”?
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Trust doesn’t require perfection. But it does require effort, curiosity, and a willingness to grow together.
But What If You Struggle to Trust Anyone?
Here’s the truth: some people are naturally more trusting than others. Your life experiences—especially early ones—shape how easily you let others in. If you’ve been betrayed, dismissed, or hurt in the past, you might find it hard to know when or how to trust again.
Attachment theory explains this well. When our early relationships are secure and consistent, we develop a stable foundation of trust. But when they’re chaotic or neglectful, we may carry that mistrust into adulthood—sometimes without even realizing it.
You might notice:
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You assume others will hurt or abandon you.
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You keep people at a distance—even if you crave connection.
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You expect rejection and feel hyper-alert to red flags.
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This doesn’t mean you’re broken or doomed to mistrust forever. It means you’re human—and possibly carrying emotional wounds that need healing.
Therapy is a powerful space to explore these patterns and rebuild your capacity to trust. In a good therapeutic relationship, your counselor models what safe connection looks and feels like. Over time, that safety can reshape how you relate to others—and yourself.
Epistemic Trust in Everyday Life
What makes this research from the University of Haifa so compelling is that it takes an abstract concept—trust—and gives us a concrete way to observe and practice it.
Even outside the therapy room, you can start noticing:
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Who makes you feel safe enough to share?
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Who invites collaboration and listens with care?
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Who is willing to reflect, learn, and grow?
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By paying attention to these three cues—sharing, we-mode communication, and openness to learning—you’ll be better equipped to build meaningful relationships rooted in trust. You’ll also become a more trustworthy person yourself.
Trust is never guaranteed. But with the right skills and self-awareness, it can absolutely be cultivated.
Feeling Emotionally Drained This Election Season?
If the political climate has you feeling anxious, emotionally flooded, or unsure who to trust—even within your own family—you're not alone. These tensions can strain relationships and leave you feeling isolated.
Walk With Me Counseling Center is here to help if you're overwhelmed by election stress or political disagreements. We offer virtual therapy sessions across Illinois, so support is just a click away no matter where you are—whether in Chicago or another part of the state. Complete your intake form now.
Your mental well-being should be your top priority, especially during an election as heated as this one. Don’t let political stress damage your relationships or drain your emotional energy. Whether you're seeking clarity, healing, or simply someone to talk to—we're here for you.
