COUPLES THERAPY ∙ CHICAGO & ACROSS ILLINOIS
You keep having the same fight.
Different day, same argument. Same silence. Same distance. You're exhausted from trying to fix it on your own. There's a better way—and it starts with understanding what's really happening between you.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Most Couples Fight About the Same Things
Research shows that 69% of what couples argue about never gets resolved. Ever. The couples who stay together aren't the ones who stop fighting—they're the ones who learn how to fight differently.
You're not broken. Your relationship isn't doomed. You just haven't learned the skills yet. And that's exactly what we teach.
IF THIS IS YOU
The Patterns That Keep You Stuck
The same destructive patterns show up in most relationships. Here's what they actually look like:
Every conversation turns into an attack
It starts as a complaint—"You never help around the house"—but quickly becomes about who they are as a person. The eye rolls. The sarcasm. The contempt. This is the #1 sign a relationship is in trouble.
One of you shuts down, the other chases
When things get heated, one person goes silent. Walks away. Stops responding. The other person follows, trying to get them to engage. This push-pull cycle leaves both of you feeling alone.
You're defensive the moment they speak
Before they even finish their sentence, you're already explaining why it's not your fault. Making excuses. Turning it back on them. No one takes responsibility, so nothing ever changes.
HOW THIS CHANGES
What We Do in Therapy
We use the Gottman Method—a research-based approach built on 40 years of studying real couples. Not theory. Not guesswork. Proven tools that help you reconnect.
Learn to fight without destroying each other
Conflict isn't the problem—how you handle it is. We teach you how to bring up issues without attacking, how to listen without defending, and how to repair when things go sideways.
Stop the pursue-withdraw dance
One person chasing, the other running. We help you both recognize when you're flooded, how to take breaks that don't feel like abandonment, and how to come back together.
Rebuild the friendship you've lost
Before we fix the fights, we rebuild connection. We help you remember what you liked about each other. How to show appreciation. How to turn toward each other instead of away.
Accept what won't change (and stop fighting about it)
Most problems in relationships are perpetual—they never fully go away. We help you figure out which battles matter and which ones you can let go of. Then we teach you how to live with the difference.
WHAT’S POSSIBLE
Your Relationship Could Look Like This
After a few months, couples tell us things like:
You can disagree without it turning into World War III
Conflict doesn't scare you anymore. You know how to bring things up without attacking. You can listen without getting defensive. And when things get heated, you know how to hit pause and come back.
You actually feel like a team again
Instead of you vs. them, it's both of you vs. the problem. You remember why you chose each other. You laugh together. You check in. You don't feel like you're walking on eggshells anymore.
The little moments matter again
A text during the day. A hug that lasts longer than two seconds. Asking about their day and actually listening. The small gestures of care that make you feel seen and valued—they're back.
MEET YOUR THERAPIST
Deja Phillips, LSW, CADC
Deja Phillips
Couples Therapist
I work with couples who are tired of the same old patterns and ready to try something different. I'm not here to tell you what to do or take sides. I'm here to help you see what's really happening between you—and give you the tools to change it.
I'm trained in the Gottman Method because it works. It's not about feelings and theories—it's about practical skills backed by decades of research. I also bring trauma-informed care into every session because I know that how we love today is shaped by how we were loved growing up.
I don't sugarcoat things, and I don't let you give up on each other when there's still hope. I work with couples in crisis, couples rebuilding after betrayal, couples who are ready to try something different.
TRAINING & SPECIALTIES
✔️ Gottman Method Trained
✔️ Couples Therapy
✔️ Mindfulness-Based
✔️ Anxiety & PTSD
✔️ Trauma-Informed Care
✔️ Addiction Recovery
THE PRACTICAL STUFF
How It Works
Virtual sessions from anywhere in Illinois. No commute, no waiting room, no awkward parking lot encounters.
💻 MEET FROM YOUR HOME
✅ CULTURALLY INFORMED CARE
Therapy that honors your identity, your background, and your lived experience.
We know you're busy. We offer flexible scheduling including evenings and weekends.
🕐 EVENING APPOINTMENTS AVAILABLE
💳 WE ACCEPT INSURANCE
Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois (BCBSIL) PPO and Aetna PPO plans accepted.
You don't have to keep doing this alone.
The same fights. The same silence. The same hurt. It's time to try something different.