Sustainable Change: Working With Your Nervous System, Not Against It
The Myth of the Quick Fix {#myth}
We've all been there. We decide we're going to change our lives, and we go all in. We
overhaul our diet, commit to an intense workout plan, and swear off all our bad habits at
once. For a few days, or even a few weeks, it works. We feel amazing, powerful, unstoppable.
And then, inevitably, we crash. Life gets in the way, stress piles up, and we find ourselves
right back where we started, only now with an added layer of shame and self-blame.
The problem isn't you. The problem is the approach. The "all or nothing" mentality might
work for a short burst, but it's not sustainable. Real, lasting change happens slowly,
incrementally, and with a lot of self-compassion.
Understanding Your Nervous System States {#states}
Before we dive into specific strategies, it's important to understand the different states your
nervous system can be in. This framework, based on Polyvagal Theory, helps explain why
you might feel motivated one day and completely overwhelmed the next.
💡 Key Takeaway: Sustainable change isn't about forcing yourself to be more
disciplined. It's about creating a sense of safety for your nervous system and building
new habits in a way that feels manageable and supportive.
Nervous System State
Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social)
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight)
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown)
What It Feels Like
Calm, connected, engaged
Anxious, stressed, overwhelmed
Numb, disconnected, exhausted
What Happens to Habits
New habits feel manageable and exciting
Revert to survival mode and old patterns
Can't even think about habits or change
When you're in a ventral vagal state (feeling safe and connected), your brain is open to
learning and change. This is when new habits feel exciting and achievable. But when you're
in a sympathetic state (stressed and overwhelmed) or a dorsal vagal state (shut down and
exhausted), your nervous system is in survival mode. In these states, trying to force new
habits will only make things worse. The key is to work on regulating your nervous system first, so that you can create change from a place of safety rather than stress.
Strategy: Start Small and Build Safety {#start-small}
When your nervous system perceives a change as too big or too threatening, it will resist.
This is why starting small is so important. Small changes signal to your brain that you're
safe, which makes it easier to build momentum over time.
Instead of: "I'm going to work out for an hour every day." Try: "I'm going to do minutes of
stretching every morning."
Instead of: "I'm cutting out all sugar starting today." Try: "I'm going to add one serving of
vegetables to my lunch."
These small changes might not feel impressive, but they're building something much more
important than quick results: they're building trust with your nervous system.
Strategy: Habit Stacking {#habit-stacking}
Habit stacking is a technique where you attach a new habit to an existing one. This works
because your brain already has a neural pathway for the existing habit, so you're essentially
piggybacking the new habit onto something that's already automatic.
Formula: After [EXISTING HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].
Examples:
• After I pour my morning coffee, I will write down one thing I'm grateful for.
• After I brush my teeth at night, I will do deep breaths.
• After I sit down at my desk, I will spend minutes planning my day.
The key is to make the new habit so small and easy that it feels almost effortless. Once it
becomes automatic, you can gradually build on it.
Strategy: The -Minute Rule {#-minute-rule}
The -Minute Rule, popularized by James Clear in Atomic Habits, states that any new habit
should take less than two minutes to do. The idea is to make the habit so easy that you
can't say no.
Examples:
• "Read before bed" becomes "Read one page."
• "Do yoga" becomes "Take out my yoga mat."
• "Study for class" becomes "Open my notes."
The goal isn't to stop at two minutes (though you can if you want). The goal is to show up
consistently. Once you've built the habit of showing up, you can gradually increase the time
and intensity.
Strategy: Regulate Before You Redirect {#regulate}
This is one of the most important strategies for sustainable change, and it's often
overlooked. Before you try to change a behavior, take a moment to regulate your nervous
system.
When you notice yourself reaching for an old habit, pause and ask:
• What am I feeling right now?
• What does my body need?
• Am I stressed, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed?
Then, choose a regulating activity:
• Take deep breaths
• Go for a short walk
• Drink a glass of water
• Call a friend
• Listen to calming music
Once you've regulated, you'll be in a much better state to make a conscious choice about
your behavior, rather than defaulting to the old pattern.
Strategy: Celebrate the Effort, Not Just the Outcome{#celebrate}
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to change is only celebrating the end
result. But the truth is, the effort itself is worth celebrating. Every time you show up, even if
it's imperfect, you're rewiring your brain.
Ways to celebrate small wins:
• Give yourself a mental high-five
• Check off a box on a habit tracker
• Share your progress with a supportive friend
• Take a moment to acknowledge how far you've come
Celebrating the effort reinforces the neural pathways associated with the new habit, making it more likely to stick.
Creating a Supportive Environment {#environment}
Your environment plays a huge role in your ability to create sustainable change. If your
environment is set up to support your old habits, it's going to be much harder to build new
ones. Make the new habit easy:
• Put your workout clothes out the night before
• Keep healthy snacks at eye level in the fridge
• Set up your meditation cushion in a visible spot
Make the old habit hard:
• Delete social media apps from your phone
• Put junk food in a hard-to-reach cabinet
• Turn off notifications that distract you
Small environmental changes can have a big impact on your ability to follow through.
Getting Professional Support {#professional-support}
Sustainable change often requires support, especially when patterns are rooted in
long-term stress, trauma, or nervous system dysregulation. Working with a therapist can help you recognize why certain habits feel hard to change and how to build safety before asking your body to do something new. Walk With Me Counseling Center is a Chicago-based virtual therapy practice serving clients across Illinois. We are currently accepting new clients.
Free consultations are available for those looking for support that honors the nervous system rather than fighting it.
Ready to create sustainable change?
📞 Schedule a Free-Minute Consultation
