Alone, Not Broken: Rethinking Friendship, Solitude, and Self-Worth

In a hyperconnected world, it might seem impossible to feel alone. Yet millions of people do. If you’ve ever sat quietly in a crowded room or scrolled through social media wondering where your “people” are, you’re far from alone. A striking 12% of Americans now report having no close friends—a sharp increase from just 3% in the 1990s. It’s easy to equate this trend with emotional lack, failure, or something deeply wrong. But what if we’re viewing it all wrong?

What if being friendless doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely—or worse, being broken?

A 2025 study published in the Canadian Review of Sociology turned this assumption on its head. Researchers interviewed 21 people, ranging in age from 18 to 75, who identified as having few or no friends. While some expressed pain and isolation, others felt perfectly content. Mike, a 72-year-old retired police officer, said simply: “I’m my own best friend. I have a lot of hobbies. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about [friendlessness].”

This raises a powerful question: What shapes how we experience being alone? The answer, it turns out, lies not just within us—but in the cultural stories we’ve absorbed about connection, identity, and success.

The Cultural Lens of Friendlessness

In Western culture, especially in North America, there’s a paradox. We champion independence and self-sufficiency—yet simultaneously glorify connection, charisma, and popularity. This contradiction creates a confusing landscape for people navigating solitude.

For men, the pressure to appear stoic, self-reliant, and emotionally impenetrable can make it harder to admit to loneliness—even to themselves. “Since I’m a man… it doesn’t bother me that much,” said one study participant. But beneath the surface, men—especially after divorce or retirement—are statistically more vulnerable to social isolation.

Women, on the other hand, may feel isolated even with vibrant social circles. Cultural expectations around caregiving and emotional labor often leave women emotionally depleted. As they age, society’s value placed on youthful social women can fade, leaving them feeling invisible—even when surrounded.

One participant described how people “look down on” friendless women, particularly older ones. It’s a stigma deeply entwined with gender and age, and it reinforces the false notion that worthiness equals connectedness.

Friendlessness Isn’t Always What It Seems

The most powerful lesson from the study? Friendlessness isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. It can be chosen. It can be empowering. And it can be a sign of growth—not deficit.

That doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t real or valid. Feeling disconnected can absolutely hurt. But understanding the why behind those feelings—and the cultural scripts that feed them—can begin to shift the narrative.

5 Ways to Reframe Friendlessness and Reclaim Your Power

Let’s explore some tools to help you reframe friendlessness and embrace this moment of your life—whether it’s a season or a chosen path.

1. Name the Cultural Pressure—Not Just the Feeling

Ask yourself: Are my feelings about being friendless truly mine, or are they shaped by what I think society expects?

From sitcoms to social media, we’re told that having a squad is essential. Friendship becomes a symbol of success, not a source of personal alignment. Sean, a 32-year-old lawyer in the study, rejected this script. He said he prioritized “other metrics of a good life,” such as his career and family.

Consider reframing the question. Instead of “Why don’t I have more friends?” ask, “What have I chosen instead—and is that bringing value to my life?”

2. Understand How Gender Expectations Affect Your Experience

Gender doesn't just influence how others view us—it can shape how we feel about ourselves.

Men may downplay loneliness to align with ideals of toughness. Women may feel loneliness even amidst connection due to emotional labor or societal invisibility as they age.

Ask: How have cultural messages about gender shaped the way I interpret solitude? You might realize you’ve inherited stories that no longer serve you.

3. Don’t Confuse Social Disconnection with Personal Failure

You’re not failing—our systems are. Loneliness has become a public health issue, but it’s not because people aren’t trying hard enough. It’s because community structures have frayed.

Flexible work schedules, digital fatigue, rising cost of living, and fewer third spaces (like churches, libraries, or community centers) make it harder to meet people consistently.

Try asking: What external factors might be limiting my ability to connect? Recognizing these can lift the burden of self-blame and point to more sustainable solutions.

4. See Friendlessness as a Season—Not a Sentence

Maybe you’ve chosen solitude. Maybe you’re healing from toxic relationships. Maybe life just doesn’t have space for deep friendships right now.

Whatever the reason, it’s valid.

One participant in the study shared that she was “less miserable” being friendless than when surrounded by draining friendships. Sometimes, solitude is the result of strong boundaries, not weakness.

Ask: What is this season teaching me? What values am I prioritizing? What parts of me are growing in the quiet?

5. Reject the “More Friends = More Worth” Narrative

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our social lives to others’. But having lots of friends doesn’t always equal deeper connection or happiness.

Sam, one of the study’s participants, described how his solitude helped him build inner strength. He said he learned to “turn it around and make something good out of it.”

Ask: Who am I becoming when no one is watching? Do I like the person I’m shaping through solitude?

When Friendlessness Meets Election Season Stress

While solitude can be empowering, it's also important to acknowledge how stressful times—like election season—can intensify feelings of isolation or anxiety. Heated political discussions, polarizing views on social media, and the emotional labor of navigating tough conversations can leave anyone feeling mentally drained.

Whether you’re friendless, overwhelmed, or just emotionally exhausted by the noise, know that support is available.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Walk With Me Counseling Center in Chicago, Illinois is here to help if you're overwhelmed by election stress, political disagreements, or feelings of social isolation. We offer virtual therapy sessions across Illinois, so support is just a click away—whether you’re in Chicago or any other part of the state.

Complete our Intake Form today and take the first step toward protecting your mental health during this intense election season.

Your emotional well-being deserves attention—especially now. Let us help you navigate solitude, anxiety, or political overwhelm with compassion and care.