Why Narcissistic Relationships Make You Feel Like You're Losing Your Mind

"I feel like I'm going crazy. One minute, they're charming and loving, the next, they're criticizing everything I do. I can't tell if I'm being too sensitive or if something is really wrong."

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. We've worked with many people in therapy here in Chicago and across Illinois who've found themselves in relationships with people who display narcissistic behaviors, whether in romantic partnerships, family relationships, friendships, or workplace dynamics.

The confusion you're feeling is real, and it's not your fault. Narcissistic behavior creates a specific type of psychological impact that can leave you questioning your own reality, walking on eggshells, and feeling emotionally drained.

Today, we're going to talk about how narcissistic patterns show up in relationships, why they're so confusing, and why the impact on you matters, regardless of labels.

The Relationship Cycle: How It Starts

Most relationships with narcissistic individuals don't start with red flags. In fact, they often begin with what feels like a fairy tale.

This phase is sometimes called love bombing, and it looks like:

• Excessive attention and admiration ("You're the most amazing person I've ever met")

• Grand gestures and gifts (expensive dinners, surprise trips, constant texting)

• Moving very fast (talking about the future, saying "I love you" quickly, moving in together before you've had time to think)

• Making you feel incredibly special ("You're not like other people")

• Seeming too good to be true (they appear to share all your interests and values)

If someone seems perfect and the relationship feels intense very quickly, pay attention. Healthy relationships build gradually.

This isn't accidental. People with narcissistic traits need admiration and attention, so they've often developed sophisticated skills for getting it. They study what you want to hear and become exactly that person, at least temporarily.

One person we worked with described it this way. "He seemed like my soulmate. He loved all the same movies, had the same political views, and even ordered the same coffee drink as I did. I thought it was destiny. Looking back, I realize he was just mirroring everything I said."

If you're reading this and thinking "this feels familiar," that matters.

When the Mask Begins to Slip

Once they feel secure in the relationship, you're emotionally invested, maybe you've moved in together, or other people see you as a couple, the behavior gradually shifts.

Criticism starts small. "That dress isn't very flattering on you." Your friends and family become targets. "Your sister seems jealous of our relationship." Your achievements get minimized. "That promotion isn't that big of a deal." Their needs always come first. "I've had a hard day, I can't deal with your problems right now." And you start second-guessing yourself. "Maybe I am being too sensitive."

The change is usually gradual enough that you don't notice it happening. You might find yourself making excuses for their behavior or believing that if you just try harder, you can get back to how things were in the beginning.

As the relationship progresses, the criticism and emotional neglect often intensify. Nothing you do is good enough. Constant criticism and nitpicking. Your emotions are dismissed. "You're being dramatic," or "You're too sensitive." They blame you for their behavior. "You made me angry" or "If you weren't so needy." Silent treatment becomes a weapon, withdrawing affection when displeased. And gaslighting increases, making you question your memory and perceptions.

This phase can be particularly devastating because it's such a stark contrast to the initial love bombing. You might find yourself desperately trying to earn back their approval, not realizing that the initial treatment was never genuine.

Red Flags: What to Notice

There are patterns that show up consistently in these relationships. Understanding them can help you trust what you're experiencing.

Communication patterns: Conversations always center on them. They interrupt you frequently or seem uninterested when you speak. When you share problems, they minimize them or redirect to their own issues. They remember very few details about your life, interests, or important events.

Emotional invalidation: Your feelings are consistently dismissed as wrong or too much. They tell you how you should feel instead of accepting how you do feel. They use phrases like "you're being crazy" or "that's not what happened." They make you feel guilty for having emotional needs.

Control and manipulation: This is where gaslighting comes in. It involves making you question your own memory, perceptions, and sanity. "That never happened," when you know it did. "You're remembering it wrong" about events you clearly recall. "You're being too sensitive" when your reaction is reasonable. "I was just joking" after saying something hurtful.

They also use guilt trips and emotional manipulation. "After everything I've done for you." "I guess I'm just a terrible person then." "You're the only one who has a problem with this." Using their emotions to control your behavior through crying, anger, or threats.

Many people in narcissistic relationships also describe isolation tactics. Criticizing your friends and family. Creating drama at social events. Demanding all of your free time. Making you feel guilty for maintaining other relationships.

The Psychological Impact on You

The cycle of love bombing followed by criticism and emotional neglect creates what's called trauma bonding. This is when you become psychologically attached to the person who's causing you harm because of the back and forth between affection and abuse.

Signs of this include making excuses for their behavior to others, feeling like you can't live without them despite being unhappy, believing that the real them is the person from the love bombing phase, feeling responsible for their emotions and behavior, and staying because of occasional moments of kindness.

Many people in these relationships describe feeling like they've lost themselves. This happens because you're constantly focused on their needs and emotions. Your own interests and goals take a backseat. You modify your behavior to avoid their negative reactions. You stop trusting your own perceptions and judgments. You become isolated from other sources of validation and support.

The chronic stress of these relationships can lead to anxiety and depression, sleep disturbances and fatigue, digestive issues and headaches, difficulty concentrating, always being on alert, and post-traumatic stress symptoms.

If this description stirred something in you, take a breath. You're not imagining what's happening.

Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries aren't walls designed to shut people out. They're guidelines that protect your well-being while allowing you to maintain relationships in healthy ways. Think of them as property lines for your emotional and mental space.

You have the right to have your feelings respected. The right to say no without extensive justification. The right to privacy and personal space. The right to be treated with basic respect and courtesy. The right to have your time and energy valued.

Setting boundaries with someone who has narcissistic traits is challenging. They're used to getting their way, and they'll often push back when you start protecting yourself. They may escalate, use guilt trips, test your limits, give you the silent treatment, or make threats.

This pushback doesn't mean your boundaries are wrong. It means they're working. The person is realizing they can no longer control or manipulate you as easily as before.

This is where professional support matters. Learning to set and maintain boundaries in these relationships is hard work, and you don't have to do it alone.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider therapy if you feel stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns, struggle to trust your own judgment, have difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries, experience anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms, want help processing what you've experienced, need support making decisions about your relationships, or are questioning whether your own behaviors might be problematic.

At Walk With Me Counseling Center, we work with people across Illinois through online therapy who are dealing with narcissistic dynamics in their relationships. Whether you're trying to understand what you're experiencing, healing from a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits, or learning how to protect your mental health while staying in the relationship, professional support can help.

We understand that these situations are complex and emotionally exhausting. Our therapists are Black, culturally responsive, and trained to work with relationship dynamics in ways that are trauma-informed and recognize how cultural background, family history, and personal experiences all play a role.

The confusion you're feeling is real. The impact on your mental health matters. And you deserve support in figuring out what comes next.

We offer free 15-minute consultations where you can talk through what's going on and see if therapy feels like a good fit. We're also in network with BCBS PPO and Aetna PPO, which can make support more accessible.

You're not crazy. You're not too sensitive. And you don't have to navigate this alone.

Your mental health matters. Your peace is worth protecting. You deserve relationships built on mutual respect, genuine empathy, and authentic care.

Walk With Me Counseling Center
Chicago-based Black therapists serving Illinois virtually
Individual, couples, and family therapy
Specializing in trauma recovery and healthy relationship building